Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
