Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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