and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
