The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
