I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
