My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
