i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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