You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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