Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
