If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
