Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
