I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
