Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
