God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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