you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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