she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
