I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
