Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
