ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
