I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
