Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize