I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
