chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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