she woke up with a sticky ear
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
