dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
