my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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