What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
