she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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