i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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