So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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