Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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