the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
