Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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