its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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