he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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