Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize