Do vagina's smell?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
