Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize