You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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