I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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