So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
