Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
