my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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