ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't deserve a penis
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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