home. puking in laundry basket.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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