It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
