I wanna bring you to show and tell
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
