I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
