just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
where are you?
Hypothermia
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
