I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize