guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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