I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My vagina is officially offended.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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