i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize