Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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