Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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