hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You can't special order awesome
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Randomize
