It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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