I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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