We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
