were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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