It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
