He had one of those small greek statue penises
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
