Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He better not be in your backpack
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
