dude i'm inner monologue high
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Holy shit dude........stairs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize