Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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