I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My breasts were aching with rage.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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