Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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