I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He passed out mid-signature
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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