You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize