I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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