He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
