I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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