im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
