I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
