Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
