I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
