Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
