Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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