Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
