Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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