Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
